51. Four Critical Skills Parents Can Help Their Kids Foster While Staying at Home
- Li Zeng
- Apr 22, 2020
- 11 min read
Today, I want to share with you about some of the best skills I wish I had learned when I was young. These useful skills are Storytelling, Design Thinking, Critical Thinking and Leadership Skills. A lot of them are soft skills that won’t be able to learn immediately, it takes practice and repetition to make it become part of your kids’ natural ability. But because they are thinking habits or problem solving skills, once kids know how to use them, it becomes natural and will accompany them for the rest of their life.
Now how you as parents could potentially help cultivate these skills within your kids? Let's start with storytelling skills.
Storytelling
Always Listen Attentively
To encourage kids to tell more of their own stories and feel empowered to share whatever opinion they have is to give them full attention when they speak. It seems easy, but as parents, we have such a long to do list in our mind, we have our phone with us all the time, and it can be really hard to spend some time listening to our kid, I mean with our full attention. That means, we are not rushed in any way, we are engaged with our kid, and we don’t judge their opinions in any way. Just remember giving kids full attention can be a huge encouragement on storytelling.
Encourage bold imagination
Indeed, as we grow up, it can be hard to get to the same level of imagination as we had when we were a child. They same when our kid tells a story, it can be filled up with all kinds of imagination or non-sense. If that’s the case, what should we do as parents? If we are not careful, it’s easy for us to either correct our kids’ ideas if it doesn’t make sense, or lose our attention at all. We just have to remember kids have their own world going on, to cultivate their storytelling ability, we need to encourage their bold imagination. We may also need to enter their world and be part of it. That brings us our third point.
Tell Stories together as a family
It is powerful to tell stories together as a family. Kids love spending time with parents. And as parents, we should definitely try making storytelling part of the family activity. The beauty of a good story is that it can be purely based on imagination. Even without images or animation, we all can think of our own version of characters and personality. To make it more fun, we can add some performing elements in the story, so when each person tells the story, the action can draw more imagination out of the story. As a family, you can also do story rely, where one person tells a part of the story, and the other one keeps telling the same story but from a completely different perspective. It can be so much fun if you create one story together as a family and it becomes part of your lovely memories in the future.
Books on Storytelling (For Parents)
You Don’t Know Jack: A Storyteller Goes to School
Playing With Stories: Story crafting for storytellers, writers, teachers and other imaginative thinkers
Effective Storytelling Step by Step (2020 edition): Captivate, Engage, and Influence your Audience
The Storytelling Animal: How Stories Make Us Human
Guest on Spark Creators
Kevin Cordi, an American teacher, storyteller and author. Kevin has told stories in over forty states and internationally. Kevin holds a doctorate from The Ohio State University in Education, Storytelling, and Story Making and has taught storytelling at the university and secondary level.
Kevin shares stories with a highly energetic, animated and interactive style and is considered by many storytelling professionals as one of the most influential and dynamic storytellers and teachers today. Cordi also wrote the book "Playing with Stories: Story crafting for storytellers, writers, teachers and other imaginative thinkers" in 2014.
He is considered one of the "nation's primary advocates for youth storytelling"! According to the National Storytelling Network, he is “the first full time high school storytelling teacher in the country”. His work has been chronicled in the book he co-authored with Judy Sima, Raising Voices: creating youth storytelling groups and troupes. Cordi also started the Youth Special Interest Group for the National Storytelling Network and founded the Voices Across America Youth Storytelling Project.
Design Thinking
Be Empathetic
One of the most important skills of being a designer or design thinker is to solve problems. Either for yourself or for others. In order to solve a problem, it requires us to stand at another person’s perspective and think or feel like that person. A lot of times, kids naturally have this ability, have empathy or compassion toward others. That is a powerful mindset to have before solving any problems. As parents, we can also intentionally ask questions like “What do you think they would feel in that situation?” or “What would you think if you are in their shoes?” to help cultivate empathetic thinking in our kids.
Embrace brainstorming as a family
Another thing you can do as a family to embrace design thinking is to encourage brainstorming. No matter what problems you are trying to solve, there should always be plenty of rooms for new ideas. Your kid is born with a creative mind, so encourage them to come up with bold ideas. You can also build upon each others’ idea as a family because collaboration on ideas can spark new possibilities. Just remember, in the process of brainstorming, there are several rules (suggested from IDEO) you need to stick to in order to make it as efficient and useful as possible.
Defer judgment
Encourage wild ideas
Build on the ideas of others
Stay focused on the topic
One conversation at a time
Be visual
Go for quantity
Always keep improving on your ideas or prototypes
Whatever you are working on as a family, always know that design thinking is never a one-time deal. Even if you are making some DIY soap bottle, you can apply design thinking into your process. Of course, that’s even the case if you are creating a product or business that intends to serve people. Another important component for design thinking is iteration. That means you guys will keep improving on the idea or things you make. Whenever you have a new idea or heard some great feedback, you can apply iteration to the things you make. There is a reason why Apple keeps coming up with new iPhone models every year. They are diving deep into the customers’ needs and try to improve the technology and user experience every year. If you want to practice design thinking as a family, always keep in mind to improve the current situation or product.
Books on Design Thinking
Journey to City X, by Brett Schilke
Launch: Using Design Thinking to Boost Creativity and Bring Out the Maker in Every Student
The Design Thinking Quick Start Guide: A 6-Step Process for Generating and Implementing Creative Solutions
The Design Thinking Playbook: Mindful Digital Transformation of Teams, Products, Services, Businesses and Ecosystems
Guest on Spark Creators
Brett Schilke, an author, speaker and educator. Right now you’ll find Brett immersed in the launch of his first book, Journey to City X, and leading an education research lab currently designing the learning experience for the Museum of Solutions, a groundbreaking new 10-story children’s museum being built in central Mumbai. He serves on the faculty for the Future of Learning at Singularity University in Silicon Valley.
And a few other fun things Brett did:
Co-creator, City X Project
Co-founder, IDEAco
Co-founder, Appleton Coworking
Co-builder, AntiMondays Global Dinner Series
Task Force Leader, Future of Work (2018) G20 Engagement Group on Youth
Advisory Board Member, Awecademy
Advisory Board Member, TILE Talks
Advisory Board Member, Arist Education
Key Advisor, The Ubuntu Lab
Mentor, Three Dot Dash (photo credit ->)
Advisory Board Member, SuccessWorks, University of Wisconsin
Critical Thinking
To be honest, before I conducted the interview with Dr. Brian Barnes on Critical Thinking, I have always thought critical thinking is about being skeptical about certain concepts or behavior. It is part of critical thinking, but being a critical thinker means more than that. The following are some takeaways I had after talking to Dr. Brian Barnes. I also hope this can help you as a parent to educate your own child.
Be aware of your own thinking
One interesting definition Dr. Brian Barnes gave to critical thinking is “think about your own thinking while you are thinking to improve your thinking.” The essence about that is to be aware of your own thoughts and thinking process. That means we are not simply expressing our thinking as words, we have to think about our own thoughts while we are thinking. A lot of kids especially may experience a difficult time to accept that not everyone thinks the same as they do. Some kids may even think their way is the only way. So as parents, you may need to explain this to your kid by being a good role model. Whenever you are thinking about something, express it in a way that you are open for changes, you are aware that it might not be perfect, or you are a critic of your own thinking. As your child may pick up that habit of thinking when they see you doing it enough times.
Be humble and adaptable
Another interesting aspect Dr. Brian Barnes also mentioned the 8 Valuable Intellectual Traits of a good critical thinker. The most memorable one that sticks out in my mind is Intellectual Humility, basically being humble and adaptable. It is important to be aware of the limitation of one’s knowledge. As adults, we may have this consciousness as we read more and expose us to a bigger world. But how do you teach this to your kids? One important thing is to ensure a safe and secure environment for kids to make mistakes and admit their weaknesses. They shouldn’t feel judged and won’t claim more than they actually know just to impress parents or teachers. So start with accepting your child's flaws and allow them to be true to themselves. From there, teach them to be humble and be adaptable.
By the way, if you are curious, here are the 8 valuable intellectual traits from Critical Thinking Foundation:
Intellectual Humility
Intellectual Courage
Intellectual Empathy
Intellectual Autonomy
Intellectual Integrity
Intellectual Perseverance
Confidence In Reason
Fair Mindedness
Practice makes perfect
Again, critical thinking is also a type of skill that requires a long time to develop. The same with any other skills, practice and repetition makes it become a natural ability. Just remember thinking exists everywhere and it’s not directly related to just school works for kids. They can be doing anything and still practice critical thinking. As a family, you can be outside hiking and chatting, you can doing house chores together or read on the weekends, anywhere can be a place to practice critical thinking, as long you remember to “be aware of your thinking and keep improving your thinking…”.
Books on Critical Thinking
The Miniature Guide to Critical Thinking-Concepts and Tools (Thinker's Guide)
Why people think about weird things
Critical Thinking: What Every Person Needs to Survive in a Rapidly Changing World
Guest on Spark Creators
Dr. Brian Barnes - Ph.D. in Interdisciplinary Humanities and an MA in Philosophy from the University of Louisville, Barnes is a veteran of the US Army, along with other non-academic careers, and currently teaches face-to-face and online classes at several universities in traditional philosophy topics, along with courses in sustainability, critical thinking, and Japanese sword practice. He has co-authored articles examining critical thinking strategies and tactics for the National Teaching and Learning Forum and is the author of the textbook, The Central Question: Critical Engagement with Business Ethics (2013). Barnes co-hosts the weekly radio show, Critical Thinking for Everyone!, on 106.5 Forward Radio in Louisville, and he also created the critical thinking comic book series, Adventures in Critical Thinking. Dr. Barnes is a Scholar of the Foundation for Critical Thinking, and was a direct student of Dr. Richard Paul.
Leadership Skills
Know yourself well- be true to yourself
It's easy for many people to think that being a leader is about higher management on people or projects. It is partially true, but one of the most important things many of us may ignore is authenticity. This has been the word Karin Hurt (one of our guests on this series) kept on emphasizing during the whole interview on leadership.
What does it mean to be authentic? Why is it important to a leader? I can only say from my perspective that many leaders may perceive themselves differently when they are at a higher position v.s when they are not. They may wear a mask to be this perfect person they intend to be, but without realizing that’s not really themselves. Authenticity requires a leader to really know himself/herself well and always stand true to themselves. Anyone can be a leader and the only way to distinguish yourself is to be yourself. A leader can be introverted or afraid of public speaking, as long as they are aware of that and are always ready to improve and learn.
When we teach our kids, it’s important to let them know that being a true self can help develop their leadership skills because that’s the first step of how you manage people or project - manage your true self. So, try some ways you can recognize your personality, strength or weakness together as a family. Allow your kid to state confidently what kind of person they are and why they accept and love themselves the way they are.
Help others to succeed
Another potential mis-understanding about leadership is about having power and authority. It may make some people feel great when they can make a big decision that others cannot. But it’s also a lot more responsibility when you are the decision maker. In reality, true leadership is about serving others and allowing others to succeed. A real leader doesn’t necessarily have to be good at doing everything well, he/she can delegate important tasks to people he/she trusts. As a leader, he/she can even allow others around to be more skillful or successful than themselves.
How do you help your kid to develop this mindset of helping others to succeed? Well, maybe you can start serving or volunteering as a family. Try different ways you can contribute to family and friends, or even homeless and others in need. Let your kid describe how it feels after helping others. Whenever there’s a problem that you nor your kid can solve it, encourage them to reach out to others and ask for help.
Be assertive - Willing to speak up
As a leader, one has to be assertive and willing to speak up whenever needed. In contrast, as a follower, one may always listen to what others say and get impacted easily by others’ opinion. This is even more important especially when you are at a lower position/situation and doesn’t have power to speak up. Leadership skill is not something you practice when you become a leader, it should serve you as someone who has leadership traits no matter where you are.
So, as parents, how can we encourage our kids to be assertive and express their true feelings when things are not right? First it is important for kids to recognize feelings and describe it. As a family, maybe you can learn together what are the different emotions. Then, whenever your kids feel angry or upset, ask them to describe their feelings calmly. After that, encourage them to propose a solution that can help the current situation or make them feel better.
When you practice this enough at home, your kid will be starting to demonstrate that skill to people outside of home. With more and more experience talking to different people in different situations, I am sure your kid will become an assertive leader you dream them to be.
Book on Leadership Skills
Courageous Cultures: How to Build Teams of Micro-Innovators, Problem Solvers, and Customer Advocates
Winning Well: A Manager’s Guide to Getting Results Without Losing Your Soul
Leadership for Kids - by Cecelia Boswell & Mary Christopher & J J Colburn (Paperback)
Guest on Spark Creators
Karin Hurt build Let’s grow leaders with (Her Husband) David Dye and they help leaders achieve breakthrough results without losing their soul. She will come to our show along with her son Sebastian Hurt, co-author of a children's picture book - Glowstone Peak, a children’s picture book about Courage, Influence, And Hope. Karin is keynote leadership speaker, trainer, and the award-winning author of Courageous Cultures: How to Build Teams of Micro-Innovators, Problem Solvers, and Customer Advocates (HarperCollins Summer 2020) and the other book is called Winning Well: A Manager’s Guide to Getting Results Without Losing Your Soul. Karin is a top leadership consultant and CEO of Let’s Grow Leaders. A former Verizon Wireless executive, she was named to Inc. Magazine’s list of great leadership speakers.
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